Heavy Hearted

At times I find it ridiculous, the amount of emotion and energy that people put into the loss of famous people. How can we truly grieve for people that we don't actually know? Now, with that being said, the recent suicide of Anthony Bourdain rather gutted me. There was something about his cutting wit and blatant disdain for non-foodies warmed my heart. His love of travel felt much like my own and for that I felt a certain kinship with him.

There's a lot of talk about not marginalising people with depression, about understanding its root cause and all that business. I know that these benign and well meaning platitudes are spoken by those that have never experienced it. I've thought a lot about the mental state of depression. I don't confess to understanding the cause, but I do understand the feeling. I've been there; I've done that. I can't say I recommend it, but, of course, it's not that easy. One doesn't choose to be depressed, nor does one approach "cure" the sufferer. I know what worked for me, but I know full well that it's not a solution for the next person.

Here's the thing. Being depressed is a bit like being drunk. My perception was skewed, I couldn't always think logically and I hurt, both physically and emotionally. I wasn't able to make safe decisions for myself, but I was lucky. I actually thought, or maybe hoped, that treatment might help. Not everyone is in a place to think that. When you're too tired to rise or groom yourself, when the thought of functioning is too overwhelming, I can see why death might be an appealing option. I'm not condoning it, but I get it. The take-away is that we can't always fix it. We just have to keep our loved ones close and let them know that we're there, that they matter and hope like hell that that fact is more important in a time of despair.

If you are hurting, tired or just done, try and remember that, no matter what your head is telling you, that you will be missed and that the pain for those left behind will be unbearable. It's okay to ask for help or to call a crisis line. You aren't crazy, it's not lame to get help. I'm speaking from experience, it can get better...never perfect, but better, even enjoyable. Most of all, I ask you not to give up. If I can make it, so can you.